Shiva Feshareki reflects on Valentine’s Rhapsody

On Saturday 5 November the London Sinfonietta premiered a selection of chamber works by our Writing the Future composers.  After the event  Shiva Feshareki sent us this blog post about her thoughts on both the concert day and afterwards. Thank you Shiva!

The concert on Saturday 5 November was one of those strange, surreal experiences.  In my opinion, I had the country’s finest instrumentalists on stage ready to perform my piece Valentine’s Rhapsody.  So I was at ease… in that sense. The issue, I must confess, was the feeling of self-doubt.  You see, I had written an extremely personal and difficult piece emotionally, and it is dedicated to someone I love dearly – Valentine Davies – and who has (without exaggeration) saved my life.  I wanted this piece to show a transition, mirroring my life. This is what the piece is about and how Valentine’s impact changed who I am, and for the better.   My doubt was that, on a personal level, this is the most significant piece I have written.  Will it ever have that massive, heart-wrenching impact it had on me whilst thinking and composing it, but in performance? …to others?

I think the conclusion is that one shouldn’t over-think these things (something I have to remind myself every second of everyday).

A) I wrote a piece.
B) I quite literally translated an almost brutal auto-biography.
C) I was honest.
D) The performers respected that honesty.
E) It all represents this eventually positive journey into a short, purposefully understated piece.
F) It was performed better than I could imagine, and it had the opportunity to be heard.

First Conclusion: A+B+C+D+E+F = What more could I want?

Second conclusion: once a piece is written – it is permanent – it does not wither.  So the person the piece was written for will have a permanent reminder of how she helped me, and especially, helped me help myself.  And as for ‘Writing the Future’, quite literally I hope the piece lives on in the future (or at least, I hope that the score of it that I threw into the River Thames off the Embankment Bridge, drifts like a message in a bottle… at least in my thoughts and ponderings).

Thank you to the London Sinfonietta’s Writing the Future for supporting and promoting new music with the same relentless, unique passion as it takes for me to write the music.  This is a relationship that I will cherish, and will inspire me further, both musically and personally.

Click here to  listen to Valentine’s Rhapsody and other Writing the Future works premiered on Saturday 5 November.

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